Day 25

I am getting very close to the 30 day mark. Only five more days. I will get there on Wednesday, October 2nd. Of course, after that will be my appointment with the new psychologist. I really don't like sitting in a room, talking to some professional. I don't. Last time I did that, I got worse.

Today was a very tiring day. I am starting to feel guilty about the job search thing, so I will continue on Monday again.... I have no problems with working hard. I do have a problem with working hard on something with no guarantee of a profitable outcome. That is how I feel about job hunting. I go out for hours a day, or spend hours on a computer, filling out app after app, and following up with the companies, only to be turned down again and again. If I knew that I would definitely get a job within, say... fifty applications, I would have a job already. I would work tirelessly to fill out those applications.

 I feel the same way with people. If I could say that I would find the man of my dreams within X amount of relationships, I would be married already. Also, people don't have formulas. Sometimes people act happy to see you, even if they hate you. You tell a joke, and they laugh, but if you tell the joke again, it's not funny. I just wish that there were formulas for everything. I wish that if you figured out the formula for something, you could be successful.

I don't even have a formula for myself. I don't even understand myself. How can I be expected to understand how to deal with other people???? AND on top of all of that, every person is different. So, if X works with this person in this situation, it might not work with another person in a similar situation. It might not even work on the same person in a seemingly identical situation later on down the road. GAH!

Animals are easier. Even though they all are unique, they are easier to understand than people, and quicker to learn as well. Certain breeds act this way, and certain actions bring about this response. I would say that if I were to describe animals and people in math terms, people are like theoretical physics, and animals are like algebra. Even though there are general laws in physics, people still can only guess at half of the stuff, and still end up arguing about whether or not it is right. However in algebra, the methods are different for solving a problem, but the answer is still the same.