WOW! I almost forgot about this blog! It has honestly been so long, that I find it hard to write anything. I have mostly been avoiding blogging because I am also avoiding my technology class home work O.o Also, I can't decide what to disclose or not disclose here. I have been through a lot this semester. Right now I just want to say hat today I had a daydream about becoming Deaf, and I got so excited that I had to keep reminding myself that I am indeed still a hearing student and not Super Deafy. Gah. Yeah. I hate myself sometimes......wait wit wait. back up. Ok. Start from Christmas. When I got back from christmas, at first things wee really cool with Sevan and I. We celebrated New Years with his family and did a LOT of cuddling...but I realized that somewhere along the line, I would look at him and feel... off. It didn't feel right and we kept getting into fights. I didn't like it, so I talked to him about it. We decided that I am too controlling and critical of him and our beliefs and life views are different. So, we broke up. It was a bummer, but it was for the best and we both felt better about it after. We tried to whole "let's still be best friends" thing but it didn't work. I didn't like him at all anymore and I got easily annoyed. So, I kinda ignored him for a while. Now I see him occasionally and we chat on FB sometimes, but I am still keeping my distance. If I don't I might loose any fondness for him that I have left. After We broke up in January, I got really depressed. I lost a bunch of energy and I just wasn't healthy. I am not sure if it is a direct result of the break up or not. Um, then Boy#2 started to hang out with me and that was fun, he told me he liked me and we texted and hung out whenever he had extra time. I started cutting in March out of curiosity, but then I got obsessed. I told one of my counselors about it in mid-march and started counseling on campus once a week with a woman who signs. I noticed though, that after counseling, I felt worse and cut more often. During Spring break, I made the trip down to SD, finally! I spent a majority of my time with Walter camping and I met his mother and bother, I also got to sleep in his room ( he slept on the couch) and I had so much fun. I also visited AJ but it wasn't as fun. She is so isolated now that she hardly paid me any attention. I hope that we don't drift apart!!! I spent most of my time with her youngest sister. Then I spent a day with my parents before coming back to CSUN. When I got back, I was so relaxed. Traveling and seeing Walter was the best cure for me. It wasn't perfect as I am still depressed and unmotivated and distracted, but I am better. I have made some plans for the summer and I am trying to solidify them. Right now, I am trying to deal with another boy problem. I got into a mini-argument with Boy#2, and texted another friend for advice. unfortunately, i sent it to Boy#2 by mistake and he got really angry. He said that he no longer wants to pursue the idea of a relationship with me. :( I got over him faster than I thought. As much as I have Attention Deficit Disorder (Not ADD. I mean I need attention all the time) I don't care about having a boyfriend. Anyway. There is also one more... series of events that I want to share before signing off. When I got back to campus, I texted this guy. He has been paying me a lot of attention. The problem is that he is a chronic flirt and has a really jealous girlfriend. Anyways, I asked if he wanted to hang out and he invited me to a party at a friend's house. I accepted, hoping to have some safe fun with him and socialize in a non-school setting. Boy was I wrong! I had alcohol. way too much. It started because they had the only beer that I like, so I was slurping away and minding my own business, when a friend got all excited that I was drinking and asked if I wanted to try shots. I said, "sure, why not" I had shots and this friend I was with and I got really "I love you drunk" The other party goers were concerned and separated us, or tried to anyway. After the party, I was ready for bed. I was pass out drunk, but not enough to decline him when he asked if I wanted to still hang out. Since the pool tables were in the locked up community center, we made our way over to his empty dark dorm suite and watched a movie. And cuddled and kissed. It was awesome until we got interrupted. I went home and slept it off, but I knew that we would never get another chance at that. We still hang out, but not as much. He has been there for me when I felt really low and hugged all my tears away. I really like him (in a shallow way, I admit) and he is a great guy and so fun to hang out with. I wish he weren't taken. I have told other people that if he broke up with his current girlfriend and started to date me, I would refuse, but I know that isn't true. The only thing that is true is that I could probably have a "just or fun" relationship and not get to attached if I wanted to. I want some guy fun in my life. My life is way too serious. I know I should be worried about myself and not guys but guys are so much fun! So, I think that sums it up. I am feeling better and have stopped cutting....Oh FRANK! I forgot to mention Frank. There was his guy that I met in January that was really cute and I hung out with him, but he quickly lost interest with me. I saw him right before Spring break, and I decided that he wasn't worth my time. Um, I have decided to not go after my party friend or go out of my way to give him any attention. If he comes to me, I won't deny him or ignore him, but I am not going to text him or anything. Considering that I see him all the time around campus, it's not too obvious, but I think it is more for his girlfriend's sake and mine than anything. I am trying to prove to all three of us that I am not trying to get him to cheat on her... ahem again.
Hasta la vista!
