tomorrow, July 1st, I get my internet video privileges back. one month till moving
I still am waiting for Aaron to get my mom's cosign form
July 3rd is my interview with Matador Patrol
July 4th is independence day
July 5th is class registration
July 7th three weeks to go!
July 14th two weeks notice at work
July 21st get packing and make sure I have a flight picked out
August 1st Move out and in day!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Update
blahblahblah...bored. I finally started a new-ish wake up routine. i say new-ish because it's the same routine, only I am actually doing it. I wake up at five, go online, say two quotes that put me in a good mood and do a few calm things like read my Bible or practice ambidexterity. Stuff like that. I find that waking up early makes it easier to have good attitude later in the day. Once I get used to waking up that early, I will get a more settled routine of exactly what I need to do, including exercising at the SRC and making myself some tea.
I may have a job already lined up for when I get back. Matador patrol called and we set up an interview via Skype for Tuesday at 3:15. *fingers crossed* that I get the job. Even if I only get a few hours here and there, it would be worth it to get this job because A) I might be able to work nights and not interfere with my class schedule B) they will be more flexible and willing to work around my schedule- including during finals and C) if I decide to get a second or different job, it will be easier to get one when I already have a job. :)
My emotional state has been a lot better recently. I have been working on being confident and working towards my goals and keeping busy as much as possible. I had a confrontation/ intervention with my parents a while back, and basically I realized that, yes, sometimes I need to focus on myself and let other people deal with their own problems, but I was doing it at all the wrong times, and my self control was non-existent.
I love talking to Frank. He makes me all jittery inside. :p (my capital p button is not working ) I drew a picture of him (i tend to draw a picture of all the guys i like at some point or another. they inspire me) I am so impatient! tomorrow i can start video Skyping him again (internet caps are a pain!) and in one month, I will be back in Northridge, so I can give him a big hug! :D
I may have a job already lined up for when I get back. Matador patrol called and we set up an interview via Skype for Tuesday at 3:15. *fingers crossed* that I get the job. Even if I only get a few hours here and there, it would be worth it to get this job because A) I might be able to work nights and not interfere with my class schedule B) they will be more flexible and willing to work around my schedule- including during finals and C) if I decide to get a second or different job, it will be easier to get one when I already have a job. :)
My emotional state has been a lot better recently. I have been working on being confident and working towards my goals and keeping busy as much as possible. I had a confrontation/ intervention with my parents a while back, and basically I realized that, yes, sometimes I need to focus on myself and let other people deal with their own problems, but I was doing it at all the wrong times, and my self control was non-existent.
I love talking to Frank. He makes me all jittery inside. :p (my capital p button is not working ) I drew a picture of him (i tend to draw a picture of all the guys i like at some point or another. they inspire me) I am so impatient! tomorrow i can start video Skyping him again (internet caps are a pain!) and in one month, I will be back in Northridge, so I can give him a big hug! :D
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
play-by-play
Not that you need one, whoever you are, but I am going crazy here in Oregon. Everytime I check to see how long until I go back to CSUN, it seems as though no time has elapsed.
May 19th: I arrived in Bend! Some relatives were staying over, so I spent the first few days sleeping in the guest bedroom and getting my job back at Subway.
May 25th: Working at Subway again and finally moved into my "permanent room"
June 1st: Still working at Subway and settling in
June 8th: Met Mikey and his family. Got an offer to teach his family ASL, but it never worked out. Also got really drunk on Saturday. I guess I am not very good at knowing my limits yet
June 15th: getting antsy and started cutting on Monday. Founda website that I thought would help me, but after my computers got viruses, I am afraid to go on it again
June 20th: I am counting the days until I can go to CSUN again. I am worried because I need to know where I will live and because I am not making very much money. I already submitted my cancelation for the dorms, so if the apt falls through, then I have no place to live and I am screwed.
June 27th: I will hopefully know if I got the apt and be cosigned and everything.
July 4th: Independance day!!!
July 5th: register for classes
July 11, 18, 25: Continue to work and save money for fall
August 1, 8th: Get ready to go back to CSUn. Not sure if going back this week or next, but I will be packed probably by the first and quit Subway the day before I leave. I can't decide if I want to leave earlier and be in CSUN sooner to get settled down and start looking for a job, and be with Frank, or later and have more money?
May 19th: I arrived in Bend! Some relatives were staying over, so I spent the first few days sleeping in the guest bedroom and getting my job back at Subway.
May 25th: Working at Subway again and finally moved into my "permanent room"
June 1st: Still working at Subway and settling in
June 8th: Met Mikey and his family. Got an offer to teach his family ASL, but it never worked out. Also got really drunk on Saturday. I guess I am not very good at knowing my limits yet
June 15th: getting antsy and started cutting on Monday. Founda website that I thought would help me, but after my computers got viruses, I am afraid to go on it again
June 20th: I am counting the days until I can go to CSUN again. I am worried because I need to know where I will live and because I am not making very much money. I already submitted my cancelation for the dorms, so if the apt falls through, then I have no place to live and I am screwed.
June 27th: I will hopefully know if I got the apt and be cosigned and everything.
July 4th: Independance day!!!
July 5th: register for classes
July 11, 18, 25: Continue to work and save money for fall
August 1, 8th: Get ready to go back to CSUn. Not sure if going back this week or next, but I will be packed probably by the first and quit Subway the day before I leave. I can't decide if I want to leave earlier and be in CSUN sooner to get settled down and start looking for a job, and be with Frank, or later and have more money?
Computers are weird
"Righty tight,y lefty loosey...righty tighty lefty loosey....righty tighty lefty loos....aw crap!"
the screw came loose again. I had been trying to rescrew all the screws on the bottom of my laptop after failing to figure out how to clean it. When it comes to computers, half the time, I feel like those elderly grandmothers who ask what email is. I think I have decent skills with computers in general, but when one stops working, the only thing I can do is curl up in the fetal position and chant, "Reboot and hope for the best." over and over. I actually know a few things about computers and such from my Dad, but while he is the Chuck Norris of computers, I fail to retain most of what I need to know about basic computer maintainance. I recently got a virus on both of my computers and had to restore them both. My laptop was resotred to it's origional factory settings, which means that I spent the last two days updating and reinstalling all of my programs. (I still run into things I forgot to install, and I lost my Microsoft Office in the process) On my mini, I restored it to "an earlier point" to erase the virus that was on it, so that is not as bad, because I restored it to earlier this month. i view restoring computers as akin to time travel. You know? Like on those shows where someone makes a "fatal" mistake and goes back to before it happened in hopes that they can prevent it from happening? Then they realize that by doing so, they kept the good things from happening too? That's how I think of restoring my computer. I got rid of the virus, but now I only have Office on one computer and I had to reinstall all my programs on the other. I am so so so so so lucky that I had zero personal files on my computers!!! I have them safely on an external hard drive, as well as my itunes library. I would have lost years of work and journal entries and art and photos if I had them on my computer. Not to mention all my passwords!
Anyway, back to my origional story: My laptop keeps shuting itself off, so I assumed (based on internet research and my Dad) that it was probably just dirty. So, this morning I got a screwdriver from the garage and tried to clean it myself. Mistake number one: Thinking I knew what I was doing and not wating for my Dad. Mistake number two: (this is a great one) not turning off the damn computer first.... Mistake number three: Not paying attention to which screws went where. I still have a very small silver screw that has no home and my computer is not cleaned. <_< yeah....cuz I'm smart. I recently posted a poem about being fabulous...that does not mean throw yourself head long into any challenge and assume you are able to accomplish it successfully. It means knowing yourself and your strengths and not being afraid to do something challenging for fear that you may fail. Well, that's my two cents of the day.
the screw came loose again. I had been trying to rescrew all the screws on the bottom of my laptop after failing to figure out how to clean it. When it comes to computers, half the time, I feel like those elderly grandmothers who ask what email is. I think I have decent skills with computers in general, but when one stops working, the only thing I can do is curl up in the fetal position and chant, "Reboot and hope for the best." over and over. I actually know a few things about computers and such from my Dad, but while he is the Chuck Norris of computers, I fail to retain most of what I need to know about basic computer maintainance. I recently got a virus on both of my computers and had to restore them both. My laptop was resotred to it's origional factory settings, which means that I spent the last two days updating and reinstalling all of my programs. (I still run into things I forgot to install, and I lost my Microsoft Office in the process) On my mini, I restored it to "an earlier point" to erase the virus that was on it, so that is not as bad, because I restored it to earlier this month. i view restoring computers as akin to time travel. You know? Like on those shows where someone makes a "fatal" mistake and goes back to before it happened in hopes that they can prevent it from happening? Then they realize that by doing so, they kept the good things from happening too? That's how I think of restoring my computer. I got rid of the virus, but now I only have Office on one computer and I had to reinstall all my programs on the other. I am so so so so so lucky that I had zero personal files on my computers!!! I have them safely on an external hard drive, as well as my itunes library. I would have lost years of work and journal entries and art and photos if I had them on my computer. Not to mention all my passwords!
Anyway, back to my origional story: My laptop keeps shuting itself off, so I assumed (based on internet research and my Dad) that it was probably just dirty. So, this morning I got a screwdriver from the garage and tried to clean it myself. Mistake number one: Thinking I knew what I was doing and not wating for my Dad. Mistake number two: (this is a great one) not turning off the damn computer first.... Mistake number three: Not paying attention to which screws went where. I still have a very small silver screw that has no home and my computer is not cleaned. <_< yeah....cuz I'm smart. I recently posted a poem about being fabulous...that does not mean throw yourself head long into any challenge and assume you are able to accomplish it successfully. It means knowing yourself and your strengths and not being afraid to do something challenging for fear that you may fail. Well, that's my two cents of the day.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Our Deepest Fear
Our Deepest Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
Humm...odd
I felt as though I should post something here, but I feel awkward now. People I know read this, and have talked to me about it.....I guess a general update wouldn't hurt (boring but safe?).
I got my first credit card yesterday. It's from old navy, so I don't have to worry as much as if it were a general credit card. I don't plan on applying for one of those until I get the hang of this one. I didn't intend to get one, though. That is the funny part! I walked into the store to buy a couple of shirts. I only applied to get the discount. When the cashier told e that I was approved, my jaw dropped through the floor. I plan on being super safe with it and buying maybe $25 dollars a month with it, so that I can pay it off in full every month. Then my credit will rise and I can be trusted with a general credit card and a higher limit. Mine right now is $300. Really low, but a good start. No complaining here! I have been shomping at the bit to get somone to trust me with some credit. And with my loans and bill for medical expenses and my soon-to-be- studio, my credit should be even better. Later, I hope to get a motorcycle and a bigger apt, but that is a few years down the line.
I have realized that even though I have not cut myself in a coupple of months, I am nowhere near "cured". One small pebble on the road of life can literally turn my day from fantastic to tragic. Yesterday started out fine, but after a negative message from a friend, I got to feeling depressed and had to call on my best friend in the whole world to calm me down. I cried, ranted, hyperventalated, and was very close to ruinging months of self-control. Luckily, after I called Walter, I felt so much better. He listened, ranted with me, helped me breath, and-most importantly- made me laugh. After that I skyped some other friends for a while and then ate a cupcake that my Mom made. Yum!
On another, yet all to familar topic: Frank and I are discussing the possibility of being a couple come Fall. Nothing is official, but I am acting as though it is to avoid confusion. It frustrates me that we are so far apart, but it is probably bette, since in my last relationship, we had too much time together too fast. Now we just skype and text a lot. We are getting to know each other, good and bad. Exciting, no?
Also, my academic life keeps getting longer. If I wanted to go the route of comunit service and study on y own for the certification test, then I could graduate in a year (if I take on a lot of units) then maybe get certified the year after that. I would have a BA. Not the one I wanted but I could go for that later. IDK. At this point, I will have 5 years of college under my belt by the time I graduate. Seven, if I am stuborn and wait for my interpreting BA. I would prefer to just graduate and worry about that later. I am so tired of school.
Hasta la vista!
I got my first credit card yesterday. It's from old navy, so I don't have to worry as much as if it were a general credit card. I don't plan on applying for one of those until I get the hang of this one. I didn't intend to get one, though. That is the funny part! I walked into the store to buy a couple of shirts. I only applied to get the discount. When the cashier told e that I was approved, my jaw dropped through the floor. I plan on being super safe with it and buying maybe $25 dollars a month with it, so that I can pay it off in full every month. Then my credit will rise and I can be trusted with a general credit card and a higher limit. Mine right now is $300. Really low, but a good start. No complaining here! I have been shomping at the bit to get somone to trust me with some credit. And with my loans and bill for medical expenses and my soon-to-be- studio, my credit should be even better. Later, I hope to get a motorcycle and a bigger apt, but that is a few years down the line.
I have realized that even though I have not cut myself in a coupple of months, I am nowhere near "cured". One small pebble on the road of life can literally turn my day from fantastic to tragic. Yesterday started out fine, but after a negative message from a friend, I got to feeling depressed and had to call on my best friend in the whole world to calm me down. I cried, ranted, hyperventalated, and was very close to ruinging months of self-control. Luckily, after I called Walter, I felt so much better. He listened, ranted with me, helped me breath, and-most importantly- made me laugh. After that I skyped some other friends for a while and then ate a cupcake that my Mom made. Yum!
On another, yet all to familar topic: Frank and I are discussing the possibility of being a couple come Fall. Nothing is official, but I am acting as though it is to avoid confusion. It frustrates me that we are so far apart, but it is probably bette, since in my last relationship, we had too much time together too fast. Now we just skype and text a lot. We are getting to know each other, good and bad. Exciting, no?
Also, my academic life keeps getting longer. If I wanted to go the route of comunit service and study on y own for the certification test, then I could graduate in a year (if I take on a lot of units) then maybe get certified the year after that. I would have a BA. Not the one I wanted but I could go for that later. IDK. At this point, I will have 5 years of college under my belt by the time I graduate. Seven, if I am stuborn and wait for my interpreting BA. I would prefer to just graduate and worry about that later. I am so tired of school.
Hasta la vista!
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