Freedom to Fail Essay

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New Friend (cont.)

      This will be my last post about Moss....kids, listen to your parents. They are old. therefore they know more than you! I didn't listen to my parents. I went over to Moss's house today to check it out. There wasn't much to his place. It was really small, one room, with a couch, some books, a chair and a TV. we sat on the couch and made small talk, then he wanted me to cuddle with him.....what happened next surprised me. He was not respectful or understanding or very patient. He wanted to touch me and wouldn't understand when i told him not to....he started rubbing my back, and he unhooked my bra strap. I left...obviously. If I was in dog doo before, now I'm neck deep in it without a Wet One.

      The obvious and probably right thing to do would be to not see him anymore, ever. As pathetic as it sounds....I don't know if that's what I want to do. I was overwhelmed by his tenacity and boldness, but... I'm really lonely and it felt good to be appreciated. In high school, I learned about love languages. there are five love languages: Physical touch, giving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service. My love language is touch. This means, that to feel loved, I need physical contact. My parents aren't exactly touchy feely. The only person I ever felt really close to physically, was W------, and he's in San Diego. I need touch, and Moss is/ was willing to provide that.
      It sounds shallow to want to hang out with a guy, primarily for that reason, but I get depressed if I don't have physical contact. That is why sports are good for me, and swimming. God, swimming. I love swimming, because under water, it is quiet and I feel touch all around me. That's the same reason I love rain and windy days (as long as I'm not cold).  I am tempted to allow this relationship, just to keep me sane, although, right now, it is driving me INsane. Summer, I know that you are not an expert in relationships, and I know you...and everyone else....told me to just be upfront about how I feel with Moss, but I can't. It doesn't exactly come up easily in everyday conversation, and it wouldn't make any sense now. Most of you confidants will tell me to just sever this relationship, but then what? Go back to being alone and without friends? Be even more depressed than before, bordering on clinical depression? WHY CAN'T LIFE BE SIMPLE?!?!?!
Oh, well. Hasta la vista

New Friend

Ok, update on the new friend...sigh. Summer, you were right. He likes me. Yesterday, my parents encouraged me to invite him over. While we were watching a movie, he put his arm around me and told me to sit closer...WHAT?!?!!?!..... I thought we.....and you...and I.....*deflates* I'm in some deep doggy doo now. AND THEN, he tried to hold my hand!!!! but the funny thing is that he let go when my parents were in the kitchen. HAHA! Thank GOD for parents....yes folks, you heard it right here on blogspot, right from the horse's mouth. I am thankful to God for my parents. Anyway, I don't know what to do. He's a great guy, and I need a connection to somebody that lives near me, but Idon't want him to think that I am romantically interested in him. GAAAAHHHHHHH. Warnng: I don't know what I am doing! I am flying solo, into uncharted territory!


It is flattering, though to have someone interested in me. In the past, it was always the other way around. Well, that's another thing to cross off the list. *shrugs*.....hey what happened anyway?!  I turn twenty one, and suddenly, I'm someone to be attracted to. What changed? I still look relatively the same. I haven't done much different from last year.... maybe my confidence level went up? IDK!!!!!!!!! Again, I'm flattered, but completely overwhelmed! Summer, you're an expert on relationships and social interaction between the sexes.......Shoot......basically my only confidant, and neither of us know squat about relationships. I'm so gonna die.

sigh...Well, hasta la vista

New Friend

Moving is tough. Depending on how far you move and if you know anyone where you are moving to, it can be even more tough. I don't know anyone here in this wasteland of Oregon, except my parents, and they don't really count. Today, at the bus stop, I met this guy named Moss. Weird name, cool guy. Very friendly and from Orange county to boot. We parted ways and met up later by the local movie theatre. Then we went down the street to the park and sat on the benches and watched the teenagers make fools of themselves and we got to know each other a bit better. We hung out at the library for a few minutes while I waited for the bus and parted with a hug. I don't know how I feel about him. Obviously there are no romantic feelings here for him, seeing as I am still gaga over W----- , but I think it is a relationship worth persuing. After all, I met W----- randomly, and look were that took me. My parents have always warned me about strangers, but does that hold true as an adult? Is it still stupid to give a stranger your phone number if they seem nice? What do you think, world....Summer? .....and yes, he is cute :P *shakes head*
Hasta la vista

Worker's comp

OK, so today I was at work, and I nicked my thumb on one of the machines, and it started to bleed. I'm not truly a hypochondriac, but I do have too active of an imagination. I imagined that my thumb wouldn't stop bleeding and that I got an infection, 'cuz I couldn't find a proper band-aid...etc. Then I could get rich and lazy off of workers' comp. teehee. Of course, if I really was that messed up, I would just sue for the cost of college O.o ...jkjk. any who...blah blah blah. I'm bored. entertain me...WAIT NO I'M NOT BORED..I apologize Mr. Hicok. I, I am not boring; I can entertain myself. For all of you invisible readers, I had a teacher in high school, who used to say that if you are bored, it's because you yourself are boring.


HAHA, Well, hasta la vista!

Messing With Their Minds.

Know what one of my favorite things to do is? Go out in public and pretend to be Deaf. Sometimes I don't feel like talking, but I need to communicate, so I use ASL. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one. :( I know, I know; it's not very sensitive. It is so much fun though. Today, I went into the new library and wandered around. Eventually, I got bored, so I went up to the main desk and started signing about a book I wanted. I decided not to too be too mean, so I incorporated a lot of lip work. I know, aren't I generous? *Smirk* Another reason I do this, is to find out if anyone actually signs. (Acts dramatic) I feel sooo ALONE! When people don't know sign language, they do a lot of random gestures and they over emphasize their lips. SO funny! At one point, I heard one of the ladies say to the other, "She's Deaf." It was so hard not to laugh at them...I didn't want to blow my cover. Finally I got bored of writing down, so I pretended to read their lips and used my deaf accent with some signs to make myself understood. Then I thanked them and left.

Hasta la vista!

Betting My Old Man

Tonight, after dinner, my parents and I were watching "The Biggest Loser". Inspired by their determination, I challenged my Dad to a contest. Whoever could do the plank the longest, would pay for movies....Yes, I lost. I lasted maybe fifteen seconds or so before I collapsed. My back is now sore and I have to pay for movie tickets for me and my dad. Tip for fat heads like me; don't bet against my Dad unless you know for a fact that you will win. In all the time that I have lived with them, I have won maybe one or two bets at most, that I made with my Dad. One was a definition or spelling, I think. everything else was me loosing pathetically. Oh, and my Mom and I made fried chicken for dinner. YUM. very heavy and greasy, but satisfying.

Hasta la vista!

Cupcake Boyfriend.(Cont.)

OK, so I promised you that I would try this whole cupcake experiment, and I did. I went with my mom to Ida's Cupcake Cafe. Its a small little shop, where you go in and choose a cupcake, from an endless variety of combinations. they have two sizes. I chose a gourmet size, vanilla, topped with cream cheese frosting. Instant. Heaven. I thought about my boyfriend the entire time, but when I was  done, I felt completely content. Gone were the deep empty corners of my heart. They were now filled with sugar. Oh and W----, if you ever read this, no, I am not replacing you. I just need an outlet. I didn't expect my little experiment to work that well. Of course, it could be the fact that I suddenly felt very tired and sleepy after eating said cupcake. Well, either way, I felt good. dah nah nah nah nah. I feeeel nice nah nah nah nah. So nice, ah ah So nice, ah ah I got you oo oo oo ooo.

:) Hasta la vista!

Double Yolk Breakfast

The title basically says it all. I was making my breakfast of two egg (that I have almost every day) and, much to my surprise, I see this:

 

A DOUBLE YOLK!

 I'm tempted to do a parody of the "Double Rainbow" off YouTube.

BTW. it was very yummy.

Hasta la vista!

Cupcake Boyfriend.

Recently, I began thinking of my boyfriend and cupcakes simultaneously. Both of these give me pleasure and I have had no contact with either of these for an extended period of time. I  might try an experiment in psychology here.  Since getting a cupcake will be easier and is the lesser of my wants, I will procure that first. Then, while thinking of my boyfriend, I will eat the cupcake and see if it helps me miss him a little less. My theory is that, as I said, I want both ,but I can only have one, so if I satisfy my desire for one, maybe my brain will consider both desires satisfied? What do you think, Imaginary Readers? Good idea?

.....Either way I get a cupcake..... :)


Is this just a fancy, scientific way of emotional eating? hmmmm
Well, it's "nummy" <---- this is Lenard's line from Big Bang Theory when Sheldon is scientifically making eggs.

hasta la vista

Music Addict

Ok, so...I'm having way too much fun with the fake ipod on the side of the screen. I'll fix it later.

Hasta la vista

Epiphany!

Gather round! I have something to say....again. Today I realized that I might be allergic to those plug in scent things. Here's how I figured it out: I still live with my parents, have since I was eight (another story).  I have always had breathing problems around them. We figured that, maybe I was developing other allergies, like to food. I never had an allergic REACTION or anything, I just consistently couldn't breath well, and my nose was always stuffy. For a brief period of a few months, I rented a room from a couple who we indirectly know. I had almost no breathing problems there. I had a few panic attacks related to dehydration, but that's it. When I moved back in with my parents in January, I immediately found myself with a nasal infection and trouble breathing. My mom had gotten more of those blasted....ahem....dirty rotten...ahahahem!... strongly scented plug-ins. I told her that they overwhelm me, and she got rid of a few that were in small spaces, but she went and got a Cinnamon scented one for the living room. Now I can't breathe and watch TV at the same time. Anyone who knows anything, will tell you, CINNAMON IS A VERY STRONG OVERPOWERING SCENT....ahahhaaahhaaahhhaaaaaa...Down with the bloody big head!.........I'm fiiine, I'm fine. So, I will re-emphasize it again to her today. I will say one thing, NO ONE absolutely no one in my dorms will have them, when I move out.

Hasta la vista!

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder and distance makes the heart wander" a paraphrased quote from summer knightly. We don't know if this is right, but it's something like that. I always think of this quote, but I can never remember it.

Hasta la vista!

HAHA YAY

Ok, so if you already know me personally, you know that I am stubborn, easily entertained, and curious. "How are these relevant to each other?", you ask. Because, even if I don't know how to do something, I try to do it anyways. I could ask for help, but why bother,if I can mess it up myself? Take for example, this blog. My friend told me how to start a blog, but she didn't tell me how to do all the cool things on it. So, when I saw pictures and music and Videos, well I had to have it too. I asked her how to do it, yes, but she (summer knightly) hasn't replied yet, and I fiddled and searched and wondered and scratched my head.....and I did it!!!!! YAY me! Take THAT, sexist society that thinks I can't do anything for myself.

Hasta la vista!

Buisiness Idea

So, I am studying to become an American Sign Language Interpreter. I love everything that goes with it. The culture the beauty in the movements, the flexibility, etc. Right now, I live in a small town in Oregon. I was talking to my dad about starting abuisiness. This is what he told me I need to do if i want to start  business:
1. get an idea: ASL tutoring and resource center
2. get a business license
3. Get a space
4. Get a business plan and mission statement
5. Get a start up loan
6. Do some marketing and some advertising
7. Get a website: blogspot for now
8. Find your target consumers
9.Do some research
10. Have a build out plan to make the space your own
11. open for business

Im thinking my business would be an ASL tutoring and research center. This would be a place where Deaf and hearing alike could come and get ASL classes or borrow books about Deaf culture, ASL signs etc. we would also provide counseling, links to interpreting services, lists of businesses that have product for Deaf to buy such as hearing aids, TTYs, vibrating alarms, and lists of places that offer other services, etc. Also, we would provide workshops for businesses on how to deal with customers that cant hear or have hard time hearing.It would target anyone who is Deaf or Hard of Heating, knows sign language or wants to know, students, and businesses that need to know how to serve their Deaf consumers.

Ambitious, no?

Well, Hasta la vista

More about me!

This is a picture I drew for a scholarship...I just started this whole blogger thing and you may see some randomness here, as I am experimenting.


I love the fact that I can be selfish here. HAHA I can talk about myself all day. I know that in normal conversation, you are supposed to let the other person talk about themselves too, but this is a conversation of one. So, that makes me the other person. I was never very good at journaling in a notebook, but maybe with the thought that other people might see it, I will be more diligent...though this wont be a journal with all the details because I am very aware of "weirdos" that will come and get me if I put any traceable information on here. at least that's what my mom says. So, I changed my name to Zoey and even though I will talk about whatever I want to (whether you like it or not), I will change or omit names. For example: I hung out with my best friend A--- today and we had so much fun.


 I will probably put more information later, but I am short on time since I am almost late to go to work at ----. Seriously. blog ya later. Hasta la vista!