W--- update

So, I figured something out. EPIPHANY! haha. I've been looking at this relationship the whole wrong way! We ARE just friends, but we are the type of friends you see on TV. You know, the type that can do just about anything together and not feel awkward. I can't believe I hadn't thought of that before. That makes me feel relieved and happy for a few reasons. One, I don't have to be stressed or upset that he doesn't want to be my official boyfriend. Two, I've always wanted a close guy friend/brother/homie person to be in my life. Yes, we kiss and snuggle, but we never were ones to submit to normal society rules....and it's really fun! :P

Hasta la vista!

Update

        So, I got my second job. Thankfully, it wasn't as big of a deal as it was to get jobs in the past. This lady from a bike rental place emailed me. I had asked her for a job a few months ago, but since she has a summer business, there were no openings. She is a really nice, upbeat, laid back person. The bike place is WFR. It should be lots of fun, as I am laid back, and love people, and love being outside. I don't have to deal with too many employees, or a lot of supervisors running around, telling me what to do. Once I get the hang of all the jobs, I will be left there alone during my shift, with occasional help when it is busy. I have to either open or close. If I get the opening shift, I make sure all the bikes are out, including the display bike that goes down the street, signs, the cart with the cash register, and the canopy are all in their correct spots. I have to make sure that the cash register is on and working and has the right amount of money in it. I have to make sure that all the bikes are clean and working the right way, and then I have to make sure we have all the paper work. As fort dealing with guests, there is a lot to keep track of. If I close, I have to put everything away, including the heavy double surreys, and the display bike down the street, I have to do a bunch of closing paperwork, and make sure that all the extra money goes in the safe, then I have to lock everything up safe and clean, and perfect. It's a lot of responsibility, but that just makes it better. At S------, the main thing I have to be responsible for is that I deal the correct amount of money, that the lobby is clean, and that if anything runs out, i get more from the back.
       On another subject, I leave for San Diego in four days, and CSUN in three months. I have so much to do, but I still have to wait for the right times in which to do them. GRRRRR. I can't wait for Thursday. I finally get to see Summer and June and Dae. Not to mention Liz, my soon-to-be dorm-mate, and W----. I might be able to even squeeze in a visit with J---- and E---- while I am at CSUN. I will be so busy this weekend. I have to visit everybody, go to CSUN, and make sure that my Mom feels the love on her birthday. Luckily, her friends are taking most of the responsibility for the birthday, and my friend Liz is helping me get to CSUN. I still have to arrange my time so that I get to see everybody, and not drive my hosts crazy. (I am sleeping at Lizzy's house, unless her mom kicks me out. Luckily, I might still be able to crash with Summer if that happens....right? RIGHT?!). I am starting to get things for my dorm, but I will mostly make a list of things I need and get them there. I don't want to have to spend my first weekend there unpacking the whole time. I want to party with my friends. WOOT WOOT!

Hasta la vista!

Communication

     I was passing by subway the other day, just minding my own business, when I heard a voice call out to me. I freaked out until I realized that it was my friend using the drive thru speaker. So, I did what any self-respecting adult would do. I walked over and had a five minute conversation through the drive thru speakers. DUH.
     I have a question. If you announce that you have something funny to say, does that make people more or less likely to laugh at what you have to say? On one hand, they are all primed and ready to laugh. On the other hand, they are expecting something funny, and might build it up too much. What do you think?

Hasta la vista

PMS

Do women that are sterile still PMS? I know this may sound quite insensitive, but I was wondering, because I know a woman who doesn't get periods, but she still seems very emotional at least once a month. I suppose I could be scientific about it and record these events on a chart, but this would be inconsequential because I am moving in five months. OH MY GOSH I AM GOING TO CSUN IN FIVE MONTHS!!!!! Do grizzly bears like cupcakes (suddenly thinking about W----)? Ok, let's not kid our-myself. I am always thinking about W---- regardless of my desire for sugary confection topped with dyed sugar. If you leave off the icing, does that make it a muffin, or is it still a cupcake? The world may never know. I applied for a second job today, actually I applied at two places and on Tuesday, I applied at another. I don't want a second job. In fact, I don't want a first job, but they are necessary. blah blah blah. I need some really awesome graphics, but the only thing that comes to mind is tie dye.
Hasta la vista

Freedom to Fail Essay

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New Friend (cont.)

      This will be my last post about Moss....kids, listen to your parents. They are old. therefore they know more than you! I didn't listen to my parents. I went over to Moss's house today to check it out. There wasn't much to his place. It was really small, one room, with a couch, some books, a chair and a TV. we sat on the couch and made small talk, then he wanted me to cuddle with him.....what happened next surprised me. He was not respectful or understanding or very patient. He wanted to touch me and wouldn't understand when i told him not to....he started rubbing my back, and he unhooked my bra strap. I left...obviously. If I was in dog doo before, now I'm neck deep in it without a Wet One.

      The obvious and probably right thing to do would be to not see him anymore, ever. As pathetic as it sounds....I don't know if that's what I want to do. I was overwhelmed by his tenacity and boldness, but... I'm really lonely and it felt good to be appreciated. In high school, I learned about love languages. there are five love languages: Physical touch, giving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service. My love language is touch. This means, that to feel loved, I need physical contact. My parents aren't exactly touchy feely. The only person I ever felt really close to physically, was W------, and he's in San Diego. I need touch, and Moss is/ was willing to provide that.
      It sounds shallow to want to hang out with a guy, primarily for that reason, but I get depressed if I don't have physical contact. That is why sports are good for me, and swimming. God, swimming. I love swimming, because under water, it is quiet and I feel touch all around me. That's the same reason I love rain and windy days (as long as I'm not cold).  I am tempted to allow this relationship, just to keep me sane, although, right now, it is driving me INsane. Summer, I know that you are not an expert in relationships, and I know you...and everyone else....told me to just be upfront about how I feel with Moss, but I can't. It doesn't exactly come up easily in everyday conversation, and it wouldn't make any sense now. Most of you confidants will tell me to just sever this relationship, but then what? Go back to being alone and without friends? Be even more depressed than before, bordering on clinical depression? WHY CAN'T LIFE BE SIMPLE?!?!?!
Oh, well. Hasta la vista

New Friend

Ok, update on the new friend...sigh. Summer, you were right. He likes me. Yesterday, my parents encouraged me to invite him over. While we were watching a movie, he put his arm around me and told me to sit closer...WHAT?!?!!?!..... I thought we.....and you...and I.....*deflates* I'm in some deep doggy doo now. AND THEN, he tried to hold my hand!!!! but the funny thing is that he let go when my parents were in the kitchen. HAHA! Thank GOD for parents....yes folks, you heard it right here on blogspot, right from the horse's mouth. I am thankful to God for my parents. Anyway, I don't know what to do. He's a great guy, and I need a connection to somebody that lives near me, but Idon't want him to think that I am romantically interested in him. GAAAAHHHHHHH. Warnng: I don't know what I am doing! I am flying solo, into uncharted territory!


It is flattering, though to have someone interested in me. In the past, it was always the other way around. Well, that's another thing to cross off the list. *shrugs*.....hey what happened anyway?!  I turn twenty one, and suddenly, I'm someone to be attracted to. What changed? I still look relatively the same. I haven't done much different from last year.... maybe my confidence level went up? IDK!!!!!!!!! Again, I'm flattered, but completely overwhelmed! Summer, you're an expert on relationships and social interaction between the sexes.......Shoot......basically my only confidant, and neither of us know squat about relationships. I'm so gonna die.

sigh...Well, hasta la vista