WTF???

I logged on and was trying to look at my recent posts, but it says that they don't exist O.O
holy fritos! I hope not. I put a lot of effort into this blog

So, about what I said earlier....?

I noticed that a couple of posts earlier, I said that Connor and I were not going to be in a relationship, and then last post said we were.... tee hee oops? I really like him. He is the most sweet and understanding man I have ever met. He always seems to know just how to react to me.

This past weekend, I was an emotional wreck. I don't know why, but I was. I cried twice and I could tell that he was freaked out by it, but he still reacted perfectly. Both times, it started with something sexual. He just held me and said that he was there for me no matter what and that I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to. I felt so bad, but I am getting more and more uncomfortable around the male body as time goes on. I used to attribute my phallaphobia to inexperience, but I don't think I can say that now. He asked me to give him a BJ and I burst into tears. How pathetic is that? I don't know if this has anything to do with my sexual orientation or my background, but I want answers! I am so frustrated, and I know he is too.

So, I know I touched on the fact that I like to be spanked. As with most women, this is generally a playful and sexual thing, but I have also been curious about domestic discipline. So, when Connor told me that I was being lazy and deserved a real spanking, I said ok. Unfortunately for me, he brought it up a week or two before the event itself. Therefore I had plenty of time to psych myself out. I know that he would never injure me, but I knew it would hurt a lot. When the time came, he gave me a warm up with his hand and then spanked me with a ruler. It stung quite a bit, but it was nothing too bad...Then he got out the bath brush. *shudder* That thing is brutal. He said he didn't hit me that hard, but I started crying from the pain. That was the first time in a long time that I have cried from pain of any sort, especially outside pain. He was going to spank me with the spoon as well, but he said that I obviously had enough. Once he let me up, he gathered me into his arms and let me calm down. He assured me that I took my spanking like a 'good girl' and that it was all over. I am not saying that I would look forward to another spanking like that, but I trust him if he ever says that I need another one. At first, I didn't want him to playfully spank me, but after a while my mischievous side took over once again. :) I think that a loving DD relationship would be very healthy for me. I hope that, IF I decide to be in a relationship again, it will be very much like this one.

Sadly for me, Connor is moving to North Carolina on March 12th. We will more than likely break off our short lived relationship at that point and go our separate ways.

I am starting a new job soon. I took and passed the test to become a substitute teacher in the San Diego Unified District. I hope that I actually get some work soon, but I have to get TB tested and do some paperwork first. Ugh.

Contagious

Everything has gone to shit. This past weekend, I went to mexico and got a root canal. When I go back to the states, Walter agreed to pick me up. He met me at Lolita's (yum), but the car refused to start. That was Sunday. His brother got a tow truck to haul it to a in front of a friend of a friend's house, then gave us a ride home. Since then, No one has been able to work, I got a really bad cold (I'm sick, I don't really know what kind), and I missed my only chance at getting a job, because we couldn't get the car fixed in time for me to go to the test. Walter is now sick. So, to wrap up my list of crap:

Within a month's time, I have gotten in a car crash, gone to the hospital, had to get a root canal, got me and Walter sick, there are no workable cars, quit my job and have no prospects, haven't seen my boyfriend in two weeks(I know, "boo hoo")and I now have no money, because I spent my last buck on the car.

If I remember later, I will elaborate more on each thing, but I am still tired and sick, so for now

Ciao

Day the Earth Moved Faster Than Me

I haven't been on in awhile. Since "Update" ....Everything went to shit. I did actually get the job at MP and loved it. Frank and I broke up shortly after that post. I never really went back to church....hmmm. Katie and I got along very well at first, but our differing needs got in the way. I moved out in the beginning of November. Between that, I met a few guys that fit only one or two of my specific needs, but that's not really worth mentioning. Since I moved out, I have been living with my best friend Walter and his mom. I finally feel at home. Like I found the place that my soul is at rest ( or as at rest as it will ever be) I still have this urge to move, but as for living here itself, it's great. Walter is a fantastic friend. He is kind and understanding and more patient than I could ever hope to be. He taught me to drive his car (manual-urns out I actually LOVED driving it)

That brings us mostly up to date and to yesterday. Let me rewind just a bit and tell you that I met this guy online that is into spanking (refer to "my needs" above) and we talked online for awhile and texted before meeting in RL. I am not romantically attracted to him. Well, I am, but I am attracted to anyone who is gentlemanly to me. I should rephrase. I do not want a relationship with him, besides friendly spankos. Anyway, we have hung out a few times and gotten to know each other a bit better. His name is Conner and he is a musician in the Marine Corps band. He has a really sweet side and likes to pretend he is all tough, but he is just a kid inside. He is a bit younger than me, but he is the "top", meaning he spanks me when I am 'naughty'. :p

Anyway, Wednesday, I visited the San Diego Depot (usually he is at Camp Pennington....or what ever) I had trouble getting there, but once I got on the base, I had so much fun. They have a ton of stupid rules. Ugh. Since I got there so late, I decided to spend the night. Separate beds....dirty minds! Yesterday morning, we got up around 6 and I left. I was almost home, when I hit some black ice and Carrie Underwood's song pops in my head-without the baby of course.

The car started to swerve and as I tried to correct it,  the car swerved more, until it fishtailed into and over a barbed wire fence. The car flipped a couple of times and landed right side up. The only injury I have noticed so far is two sprained fingers and my shoulders are sore. I used my hand to brace myself when the car rolled, and it got a bit banged up. The car was a hot mess. Dents and scratched broken glass everywhere. After collecting my thoughts, the first thing I thought was that I needed to call Walter. I felt so bad about the accident. After I calmed down and made sure I was not injured in any major way, I stumbled out of the car. My cell was dead, so I waved down a passing driver and used their cell. After that, I stayed at the side of the road until a couple of firemen saw me and came over to make sure everything was ok. They called a medic and a tow. While they were talking to me, two more cars crashed on the other side of the road right after the other. Then it was all chaos. Finally Walter got to me, and we hugged fiercely. He said he didn't care about the car and that all he cared about was my safety. That is pretty much it. A few details that are boring, like quitting my job at Subway (LONG story) and taking care of the bill at the tow yard. I was cajoled into visiting the ER to make sure I was ok. We waited 5 hours to be seen. I got my hand X-rayed and they told me that I was fine. My finger was taped to the other and I was told to rest for a few days. Ice and Advil. Shrug. Conner and Walter have both been very attentive. Both Walter's mom and my mom of course deluged me with all kinds of advice, that I ignored because I was so tired. I am still tired and sore, but as anyone who knows me, can say, I am not one to stay in bed all day. Most likely, I will take several small naps.

African Lynx

More accurately called the Caracal:
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caracal

is not a true lynx at all.

So, why the science lesson?

Because I believe that everyone has a animal spirit in them. Mine is the caracal. Small, strong, often confused mistaken as being something it's not...

I'm not sure why my animal is the caracal, but I know it is. I know this because I have been drawn to them for a while. Until recently I thought they were lynxes, so I thought I was a lynx. I have a picture one my laptop of a caracal and every time I see it, I feel a sense of oneness with it. Very mystical and weird, I know. :) I am weird. Perhaps this is why the idea appeals to me :p

Memoirs of a Geisha

I forgot to add this to my last post.

Today whilst roaming around the bookstore on campus, a store employee complimented my eyes. He was backpedaling while he did this and ended up running into a rack of clothes. It reminded me of the scene in "memoirs of a geisha" when the mentor says that a sign of being ready is to be able to distract a man with one look. I am ready sensei! LOL

Cliff Syndrome

Has anyone else suffered from this? You meet someone or sign up for a new website and you get lots of attention. Lots of email, text, friend requests, everyone loves what you post....then with out warning or reason, you get crickets. No one answers your texts or comments on your new pictures or replies to your messages.

I don't understand why this happens. I am sick of it! I get so excited to be around people, and then I feel as though the rug was ripped out from under me. It happens every time. Even with people I consider really good friends. I just suddenly don't exist. :(

The reason I call it cliff syndrome is that I feel like those cartoons when a character walks off a cliff and doesn't realize it until they look down.