The reason I started this blog in the first place was to encourage myself to write. I had a physical journal all through high school, but stopped writing in it, because I felt that my life was sort of boring. I thought that maybe if I had an online journal, I would be more likely to write in it. I was wrong. In fact, this blog has turned out probably worse than my physical journal. I'm more lazy because I don't always feel like signing in. I wonder what would happen if I made it a goal to do a post every single day for a month. The rules would be that I had to sign in and make a post. It wouldn't matter how long that post was, as long as I did it every day. I think I should do that. Any who, since I am never on here, I don't know what to catch you up on. Hold on as I re-read my most recent posts in an effort to catch myself up.
OK. My last post was about enlisting. I was living in Campo, with Walter, and working as an SEA. Got it. Well, I finally got in contact with a recruiter, but I wasn't allowed to enlist because of the scars on my arm. I told them that I don't do it anymore and that I would be more than happy to take any sort of test they needed to prove I wasn't crazy, but they didn't care. They said there was nothing I could do to get me into the military. It was a very sad day for me.
After that, I applied for border patrol....haven't heard from them either. So, around the end of July, Walter's family moved, and I moved back in with my parents. It isn't horrible living with them, but I know that I want my own place as soon as I can. Living in Bend always depresses me. I would be fine if I had a social group and a job, and a church, but I don't. As it is, I just go to farmers markets, send in applications, and surf the web. It makes me stir crazy, but even activities that I really enjoy become dull when there is no one to share them with.
As per usual, within a month of being here, I met a guy...and also broke up with him. Luckily for me, at least this guy was a decent guy. He just had to move. It sucks that I love military men so much. I think that for now I am going to avoid dating, As lonely as that sounds (and will be), I can't stand the idea that I keep losing guys because one of us moves. I move, he moves, I move again. It sucks. It's hard enough to find a decent guy, but always having to break up just because of geography is maddening. I am going back to school in January if everything works out.
From there, I should be stable until I graduate, and then I plan on getting a job in San Diego, and moving in with my friend Liz. Let's see if that works out. Actually, being her roommate wasn't bad. Our only real problem was space. If we had our own rooms, we would have probably been fine.
I should have stayed in the dorms instead of moving out with Katie. Neither of us could have anticipated that our relationship would deteriorate the way it did, but I can't help but think that if I hadn't been so impatient, we would still be friends. I like to say that I don't believe in the word regret. I heard this quote. It basically said not to regret what you do, because at one point in time, that action was worth it to you. If things don't work the way you wanted it to, then you learn from it, and move on. I don't believe in regret most of the time, but when I am depressed, it seems like the only thing I believe in.
For the last couple of days, I have been feeling lethargic and unmotivated. I can barely get up and get out of bed. i have to literally force myself to eat. The only things I can convince myself I want to eat are hot dogs and potato chips. The good thing is that I am finally drinking appropriate amounts of water. My mom is letting me borrow a water bottle while I live here. It is green, and can hold roughly 32 oz. of water. I usually drink about two bottles a day, which makes 64 oz. of water consumed. I was eating really well before, and exercising everyday, but for some reason, I can't now. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. Gah. I feel slightly better today, and I am going to force myself to go outside tomorrow. Hopefully getting active will help me. Also, I am going to force myself to eat good meals tomorrow. I have to be careful, because I might get sick doing that. Yesterday was the worst. I forced myself to eat some soup and had to sleep off the nausea for the rest of the day. ICK.
In other words, I am still looking for a job. I had several leads that went nowhere, much to my utter disappointment. I am now doing day labor to get some kind of income. At least I have that. On Saturday, I was a crowd management officer. This weekend, I will be dog sitting. Yay! Dog sitting sounds fun. Not much money in it, but what can you expect from friends? ;) That's all for now.
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