New Friend (cont.)

      This will be my last post about Moss....kids, listen to your parents. They are old. therefore they know more than you! I didn't listen to my parents. I went over to Moss's house today to check it out. There wasn't much to his place. It was really small, one room, with a couch, some books, a chair and a TV. we sat on the couch and made small talk, then he wanted me to cuddle with him.....what happened next surprised me. He was not respectful or understanding or very patient. He wanted to touch me and wouldn't understand when i told him not to....he started rubbing my back, and he unhooked my bra strap. I left...obviously. If I was in dog doo before, now I'm neck deep in it without a Wet One.

      The obvious and probably right thing to do would be to not see him anymore, ever. As pathetic as it sounds....I don't know if that's what I want to do. I was overwhelmed by his tenacity and boldness, but... I'm really lonely and it felt good to be appreciated. In high school, I learned about love languages. there are five love languages: Physical touch, giving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service. My love language is touch. This means, that to feel loved, I need physical contact. My parents aren't exactly touchy feely. The only person I ever felt really close to physically, was W------, and he's in San Diego. I need touch, and Moss is/ was willing to provide that.
      It sounds shallow to want to hang out with a guy, primarily for that reason, but I get depressed if I don't have physical contact. That is why sports are good for me, and swimming. God, swimming. I love swimming, because under water, it is quiet and I feel touch all around me. That's the same reason I love rain and windy days (as long as I'm not cold).  I am tempted to allow this relationship, just to keep me sane, although, right now, it is driving me INsane. Summer, I know that you are not an expert in relationships, and I know you...and everyone else....told me to just be upfront about how I feel with Moss, but I can't. It doesn't exactly come up easily in everyday conversation, and it wouldn't make any sense now. Most of you confidants will tell me to just sever this relationship, but then what? Go back to being alone and without friends? Be even more depressed than before, bordering on clinical depression? WHY CAN'T LIFE BE SIMPLE?!?!?!
Oh, well. Hasta la vista