Freedom to Fail Essay

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New Friend (cont.)

      This will be my last post about Moss....kids, listen to your parents. They are old. therefore they know more than you! I didn't listen to my parents. I went over to Moss's house today to check it out. There wasn't much to his place. It was really small, one room, with a couch, some books, a chair and a TV. we sat on the couch and made small talk, then he wanted me to cuddle with him.....what happened next surprised me. He was not respectful or understanding or very patient. He wanted to touch me and wouldn't understand when i told him not to....he started rubbing my back, and he unhooked my bra strap. I left...obviously. If I was in dog doo before, now I'm neck deep in it without a Wet One.

      The obvious and probably right thing to do would be to not see him anymore, ever. As pathetic as it sounds....I don't know if that's what I want to do. I was overwhelmed by his tenacity and boldness, but... I'm really lonely and it felt good to be appreciated. In high school, I learned about love languages. there are five love languages: Physical touch, giving gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service. My love language is touch. This means, that to feel loved, I need physical contact. My parents aren't exactly touchy feely. The only person I ever felt really close to physically, was W------, and he's in San Diego. I need touch, and Moss is/ was willing to provide that.
      It sounds shallow to want to hang out with a guy, primarily for that reason, but I get depressed if I don't have physical contact. That is why sports are good for me, and swimming. God, swimming. I love swimming, because under water, it is quiet and I feel touch all around me. That's the same reason I love rain and windy days (as long as I'm not cold).  I am tempted to allow this relationship, just to keep me sane, although, right now, it is driving me INsane. Summer, I know that you are not an expert in relationships, and I know you...and everyone else....told me to just be upfront about how I feel with Moss, but I can't. It doesn't exactly come up easily in everyday conversation, and it wouldn't make any sense now. Most of you confidants will tell me to just sever this relationship, but then what? Go back to being alone and without friends? Be even more depressed than before, bordering on clinical depression? WHY CAN'T LIFE BE SIMPLE?!?!?!
Oh, well. Hasta la vista

New Friend

Ok, update on the new friend...sigh. Summer, you were right. He likes me. Yesterday, my parents encouraged me to invite him over. While we were watching a movie, he put his arm around me and told me to sit closer...WHAT?!?!!?!..... I thought we.....and you...and I.....*deflates* I'm in some deep doggy doo now. AND THEN, he tried to hold my hand!!!! but the funny thing is that he let go when my parents were in the kitchen. HAHA! Thank GOD for parents....yes folks, you heard it right here on blogspot, right from the horse's mouth. I am thankful to God for my parents. Anyway, I don't know what to do. He's a great guy, and I need a connection to somebody that lives near me, but Idon't want him to think that I am romantically interested in him. GAAAAHHHHHHH. Warnng: I don't know what I am doing! I am flying solo, into uncharted territory!


It is flattering, though to have someone interested in me. In the past, it was always the other way around. Well, that's another thing to cross off the list. *shrugs*.....hey what happened anyway?!  I turn twenty one, and suddenly, I'm someone to be attracted to. What changed? I still look relatively the same. I haven't done much different from last year.... maybe my confidence level went up? IDK!!!!!!!!! Again, I'm flattered, but completely overwhelmed! Summer, you're an expert on relationships and social interaction between the sexes.......Shoot......basically my only confidant, and neither of us know squat about relationships. I'm so gonna die.

sigh...Well, hasta la vista

New Friend

Moving is tough. Depending on how far you move and if you know anyone where you are moving to, it can be even more tough. I don't know anyone here in this wasteland of Oregon, except my parents, and they don't really count. Today, at the bus stop, I met this guy named Moss. Weird name, cool guy. Very friendly and from Orange county to boot. We parted ways and met up later by the local movie theatre. Then we went down the street to the park and sat on the benches and watched the teenagers make fools of themselves and we got to know each other a bit better. We hung out at the library for a few minutes while I waited for the bus and parted with a hug. I don't know how I feel about him. Obviously there are no romantic feelings here for him, seeing as I am still gaga over W----- , but I think it is a relationship worth persuing. After all, I met W----- randomly, and look were that took me. My parents have always warned me about strangers, but does that hold true as an adult? Is it still stupid to give a stranger your phone number if they seem nice? What do you think, world....Summer? .....and yes, he is cute :P *shakes head*
Hasta la vista

Worker's comp

OK, so today I was at work, and I nicked my thumb on one of the machines, and it started to bleed. I'm not truly a hypochondriac, but I do have too active of an imagination. I imagined that my thumb wouldn't stop bleeding and that I got an infection, 'cuz I couldn't find a proper band-aid...etc. Then I could get rich and lazy off of workers' comp. teehee. Of course, if I really was that messed up, I would just sue for the cost of college O.o ...jkjk. any who...blah blah blah. I'm bored. entertain me...WAIT NO I'M NOT BORED..I apologize Mr. Hicok. I, I am not boring; I can entertain myself. For all of you invisible readers, I had a teacher in high school, who used to say that if you are bored, it's because you yourself are boring.


HAHA, Well, hasta la vista!

Messing With Their Minds.

Know what one of my favorite things to do is? Go out in public and pretend to be Deaf. Sometimes I don't feel like talking, but I need to communicate, so I use ASL. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one. :( I know, I know; it's not very sensitive. It is so much fun though. Today, I went into the new library and wandered around. Eventually, I got bored, so I went up to the main desk and started signing about a book I wanted. I decided not to too be too mean, so I incorporated a lot of lip work. I know, aren't I generous? *Smirk* Another reason I do this, is to find out if anyone actually signs. (Acts dramatic) I feel sooo ALONE! When people don't know sign language, they do a lot of random gestures and they over emphasize their lips. SO funny! At one point, I heard one of the ladies say to the other, "She's Deaf." It was so hard not to laugh at them...I didn't want to blow my cover. Finally I got bored of writing down, so I pretended to read their lips and used my deaf accent with some signs to make myself understood. Then I thanked them and left.

Hasta la vista!

Betting My Old Man

Tonight, after dinner, my parents and I were watching "The Biggest Loser". Inspired by their determination, I challenged my Dad to a contest. Whoever could do the plank the longest, would pay for movies....Yes, I lost. I lasted maybe fifteen seconds or so before I collapsed. My back is now sore and I have to pay for movie tickets for me and my dad. Tip for fat heads like me; don't bet against my Dad unless you know for a fact that you will win. In all the time that I have lived with them, I have won maybe one or two bets at most, that I made with my Dad. One was a definition or spelling, I think. everything else was me loosing pathetically. Oh, and my Mom and I made fried chicken for dinner. YUM. very heavy and greasy, but satisfying.

Hasta la vista!